ya can't ya just can't

you can either be :

ugly
or
stupid

you can NOT be both !

HEY A NEW POST?!

no.
not really.
kinda.

i hope you've enjoyed this.

pet peeve no.1

your existence.. .

if i have not acknowledged your existence, you have no right to just start ordering.

if you think i do not see you, you should greet me with a hello.
that is, afterall, the way we, as people, function.
well at least the way well-mannered individuals function.

i absolutely cannot stand it when i am bombarded with an order when i clearly did NOT ask for it.

you can order when i'm good and ready to hear you speak.
until then, shut your face until you are acknowlegded and worthy of being asked the simple question you apparently cannot wait for:
"what can i get for you [[asshole]]?" ::smile::

oh really?

over the weekend i received this comment...

"i think it is very rude of you to assume everyone is stupid. i know what you look like and i happen to go to your school(EDIT). i think i will make you regret what you have said. i know you work nights sometimes and close up by yourself, you better start looking in the shadows because i WILL be watching you bitch one. see you soon."


i think it is rude of my new born readers to threaten my life. to this reader i felt it was important that i respond directly.

dear anonymous commenter,
first of all it saddens me that you did not leave a name or any contact information so that i may have gotten back to you directly. instead, i am forced to use this very impersonal method. i would like to say that the fact that you know what i look like does not make you exceptional in any way. you see i took the liberty of posting a picture of myself clearly labeled "bitch one." i did this so that my readers could put a face to the voice they find in the font. i thought it would be nicer for everyone involved. additionally, i did this because i am not ashamed of the judgment i pass here. its my fucking blog and i'll write whatever the fuck i please in it. be happy that i don't post the first and last names of the people of whom i speak. you obviously don't have a job that deals with the general population. i envy this. i do. and do you know what i come across in the general population? MORONS!!! IDIOTS!! FOOLS!!! and ASSHOLES!!! this is not to say that i don't come across very nice people who can communicate clearly and are lovely customers. i don't write about these people because if i did this would be a very boring blog to read.

moving along...you want to make me regret what i've said? how do you suppose you will be doing that? because as far as i can figure the only way i would truly regret my rantings is if you jumped out of the shadows in which you hide and said something intelligent, or perhaps were courteous. if you intend to make me regret the things i've said by causing me bodily harm then know that you will be doing me a favor. i'll get some time off of work. if you kill me....well then i'll be done with work all together. i fear not death my angry little comment poster. what i do fear is that the ignorance i encounter is spreading like wildfire with no way to stop it.

what i think you should do is calm the fuck down. get a hobby perhaps. find a place to channel all of that energy. and stop reading my blog because there is a good chance that i'm writing about you, and for that i'm not sorry. lastly, i never close alone. but sometimes i am alone at the cart. so whatever, if you want to attack me go right ahead. but be warned...bitch one has no qualms against cutting a bitch.

peace out,
bitch one

what happened to you?

new law: you must seriously comtemplate what you are about to say to the bitch behind the counter before opening your mouth and uttering a single sylable.

please stop asking me stupid questions!!! this is all i ask!!!

is it wrong of me to ask you not to ask me if we sell cookies when you are standing in front of twenty cookies laid upon the counter for your easy access?

is it too much to ask that you understand simple english words like "whipped cream." all i ask is that you don't look at me like i just asked if i could shove something up your ass. if you didn't hear or understand then simply ask me to repeat myself. its no problem really.

don't you understand that the tip jar is a supplement to the meager hourly wage that i am paid to deal with your stupidity. when you ask me if you can pull the difference or some spare change out of it in order to cover the cost of your drink what you are essentially asking me to do is put up with you for minimum wage. and just so we are clear...the answer will always be no. additionally, once you've asked me that you run the rick of me using the "special cup" that the one that fell on the ground earlier that i picked up only to realize that it fell in that unidentifiable sludge that keeps turning up.

if you can't refrain from spitting up your lack of intelligence in verbal form please do me a favor just point and grunt. i'll understand.


out,
bitch one

lightning round

a fact. secretly agreed upon. between customer and barista.

it is that 'chit-chat' between the two must be quick as possible.

like the lightning round in any game.

engaged in conversation, both barista and customer, are aware that they don't want it to last long.
frank and to-the-point.
quick and friendly.
fun and informative.
a call and response interaction.

beautiful.

the smartest customer .. .EVER

yes. a smart one. really.

as i was making coffee tonight, a young woman was at the side of the cart where the house coffees are.

she says to me, "excuse me, you don't have decaf??"
[[at this time, she is standing right in front of the airpot that says "caffeine-free house blend"]]

i reply, "why yes we do. it's called 'caffeine-free house blend.'"

I SHIT YOU NOT, she says, "is that the same as decaf??"

[[at this point i had to keep myself from laughing and saying
"what the fuck?! why are you so stupid?!"]]
instead, i sarcastically and condescendingly say,
"caffeine-free IS decaffeinated."

the most wonderful thing about this interaction was the fact that she had no clue she was being talked down to...no clue of my sarcastic tone.

she is so smart.
yes she is.